Quitter

Alright as much as I hate to admit it I’m trying to quit smoking. Now that I’m sharing this online I’m sure I’ll immediately relapse. I was having trouble breathing, probably from allergies but it sucked so I thought I’d bail on my sweet smoky friends.

Really the hardest part for me is he psychological, I’ve so many moments I my life when it just seems right to smoke, driving especially. Or coming out of a movie. Plus no one is more annoying that people who used to smoke and no longer do. I’ve been smoking for 17 years no and I’ve seen a lot of quitters come and go in that time. Losers. And now I am aiming to join their ranks.

I’ve enlisted the aid of a prescription drug called Chantix to help me quit. (Here is a scary story about the side effects, 2 words: horrific nightmares.) I don’t notice any physical difference if I take the pill or not but mostly its just useful to have something to do, to look forward to instead of smoking. It helps to fetishize the pills too, I take them when I want to, not on a set sched like medication but more like how I smoked and sometimes I even pretend I am getting high or something, crack them in half and wash them back deliriously.

At least now I end up with lighters at the end of the night mysteriously. I used to just lose one every other day. So all along it has been the fucking quitters who have been walking off with them. Assholes.

But anyway, quitters suck, now I have become one of them and I hate myself.

(I know I should not smoke here’s the proof: According to the US Department of Health and Human Services, between 310,000 and 580,000 of us will commit suicide by cigarette this year. But I still wanna smoke.)